(opinion) “The bird was freed“. Then the bird was slaughtered. Rebranding Twitter as X is simply not working based on qualitative measures alone. Add in conceptual shortfalls, logistical hiccups, and skewed social motives, and it’s like watching a billionaire trying to choke himself unconscious despite.

Horrendous Google search indexing, resistance by media, and a cultural aversion simply unwilling to let go; This post explores why alphabet-branding is so offensive and destined to fail, why trying to steal the alphabet from the people is wrong, and why it doesn’t even matter anyway… The only clear tangible goal seems to be satiating a rocket-ship ego out of this world.

Branding Alphabets; A Bad Precedent Destined to Fail

Something persistently nags at me pondering the Musk-driven attempt to rebrand as X: Trying to claim ownership of the alphabet is personally offensive. The letter X belongs to the people and is not anyones business to take. There is no other way to put it: Elon Musk is trying to steal our alphabet for corporate gain.

Worse yet: it’s also just not working. Socially, logistically, or technically. So we must endure the ego-friction while participating without a choice. We liked Twitter the way it was: a collection of letters making a unique socially relevant word. If Twitter successfully becomes X, then we fail to protect our own alphabet; a line in our cultural sand gets drawn and forever crossed.

Twitter/X: From Nothing App to “Everything App”? Good Luck.

This inert desire to make X humanity’s “Everything App” is as absurd as Elon’s ego is large (love you Elon 😘). At its most functional, Twitter is currently most people’s “nothing app”; we seek it out for frivolous communications while we poop, often of (humorously) vapid nature.

Some avoid Twitter entirely as toxic and uselessly addictive (NIH). The app is what most use to pass our time in absence of substance or need, where we would otherwise do nothing but ponder thought or take mental rest. A literal nothing app (I love).

Most Don’t Depend on Twitter to Survive or Thrive

This is not to say Twitter has no value as a world-changing communication tool beneficial to global society or is somehow nonessential; it is indeed valuable and helpful. Just saying: most humans don’t depend on Twitter to survive or even thrive, let alone exist.

Seeing Elon tweet “Deeze Nuts” is not critical infrastructure or humanitarian need, though it is hilariously fun and free speech important. Shifting this passive relationship into “everything” feels heavy handed (imo).

Like bugs around nighttime lights cold blooded, we buzz around the vapid heat seeking shallow love; an everything attempt perpetually failed into nothing; A loose plastic film wrapping up our lives with communal air keeping pseudo-warm. Stuffy and noisy like a hot city bus chicken-trapped.

All aboard! Destination: Nowhere.

To want the entire planet to shift from nothing app to everything app is an ambitious overzealous attempt at global domination, err… I mean global utility; a melodramatic accusation par for the ego-centric course. While he may be valid in his humanitarian self-assessments as our sole savior, the fact still remains completely undigestible: Elon thinks he alone can (and will) save humanity. Rebranding X exemplifies this sentiment.

Whether valid or delusional, it’s just personally unpleasant existing so inferior to such navel-gazing greatness. We scrap to eat, while watching billionaires toss trash into space. If we can’t feed, then nothing else matters; tomorrow’s space or today’s. We peons must wade inadequately far below Musk’s grandiose shadows (earned and well deserved), grabbing mere slivers of the resources he has abundant rights to. Where we poke and prod completely lost, waiting for alphabets to be defined for us sheepishly befuddled.

Saving Humanity One Electric Car at a Time

Elon is a very impressive human. I mean this wholeheartedly and I celebrate his positive existence. I consider him the Einstein of our time, equally as important. Though admittedly, I liked Einstein much better. I also hate driving, seeing vehicles as mostly a marketing ploy oversold childhood young. Vroom-vroom no one cares. Notice people with choice can’t wait to exit their vehicles, preferring shorter routes every time. Six figure tombs people can’t wait to escape.

That said, thinking you are (and being) the planets sole savior has serious social repercussions, as does always wanting to tackle the biggest pictures so very loudly; There’s a vibe to this demeanor. Quite frankly, it’s obnoxious. Sometimes exploitative. Mos Def said it wisely: “The harder you flash, the harder you get flashed on“. At the top, humans become the status quo people aim to improve.

Right or wrong it’s a huge Poseidon pill hard to swallow, a greek god stuck in your throat kicking loud. Fighting to sculpt culture through alphabet theft alone. Does every swing require shooting for intergalactic stars? Perhaps the ego is being served and we people just get lucky passing by. What’s even the difference…

We Were Fine Calling it Twitter

Just like we were fine tweeting. Only Elon cared about X, and this is palatably clear in outcomes. Being dragged behind a billionaire’s elite bumper tasting cinder salt can be personally offensive to some. Had even one other person expressed interest in the name X, we might eagerly comply. Instead, the whole thing feels tiresomely Elon-centric, a centrifugal force culturally omnipresent and fatiguing.

Rather than let the X.com collect dust in his kitchen drawer useless, Elon force-fed this “new” domain to the people like the courts force-fed his purchase. It’s kind of laughable now, knowing Twitter is the second company Musk wanted to name X decades later. That’s right: Our everything app is literally his Plan B; Elon Musk tried rebranding PayPal as X more than 20 years ago. He was denied by the group. Now he is the group.

The Alphabet Belongs to the People – Not Elon Musk

If we let Twitter take a letter from our alphabet eternally branded as its own, where do we draw the line moving forward? English becomes a corporate world lined up like kindergarten ABC’s greedily grabbing what they can’t have as they perpetually seek the untouchable.

They already have all the land, sea, sky and space they need, rocket ships and orbits to boot. What’s left? I know, let’s take that dusty old alphabet no one seems to brand and stamp it ours. Then we’ll shift to taking english words (like Telepathy). I bet we can own every goddamn letter and word Earth has. Watch us try.

And if they fail, our alphabet gets stuck with their hang-low stank. Deeze Nuts? No thank you.

Google Search Still Requires “Twitter”

Another logistical reason X fails: Google search struggles to index X as anything but a letter. Try searching for “X documentation” right now, notice Twitter doesn’t even make an appearance on first page (or second). Why? Because that’s what X is: a letter of the human language. So when searching for anything X related, “Twitter” is still required almost an entire year later.

In Search Engine Optimization land (as a website expert), we call this: an SEO train-wreck. Only a billionaire could intentionally attempt this much obscurity so abruptly. All just to satiate this personal desire to use X for “everything”. Why? Because Elon likes owning letters. And X marks the spot. Which apparently is now Elon’s spot. It’s offensive. But more tragically, it’s a useless friction no one needs or asked for, especially Twitter.

Everyone Still Says: “X (Formally Twitter)”

News anchors and articles to this very day still reference X as “formally Twitter” approaching an entire year later. X simply doesn’t roll off the tongue, a persistent reminder it’s being force-fed socially a stand-alone letter; like eating raw unbuttered Brussel sprouts cold.

Facebook seamlessly waltzed into Meta comparably painless. All while no one else seemed to care. X will never be our “everything” name; it’s already too overwhelmingly busy just being our english letter. Try being the alphabet for a day crammed before Y and Z. It isn’t easy.

I’m not saying the name should be changed back to Twitter. I’m simply saying we want our alphabet back. With all do respect, Mr. Elon Musk, the alphabet is not for sale.

A big portion of CK’s movements depend on social media for voice and reach. As such, while this article is not inherently mental health related, it is worth discussing culturally and indirectly related to mental health awareness.

We support Elon Musk and appreciate his humanitarian efforts to freedom of speech. While this article may seem critically in opposition to Elon’s fundamentals, it’s not, we love and respect his strengths (and weaknesses) and wish to see him succeed. His ability to make shit happen is legitimately amazing.

PS The image used for this post is not representative of Twitter brand old or new and was generated by AI

Then the bird was slaughtered.

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