True story: Desperate for hard mental health data, I clung to the only two bipolar stats my psychiatrist offered:

1 in 5 bipolar patients die by suicide; up to 60% try suicide at least once (NIH).

These are awful numbers. Russian Roulette has better odds.

As my treatment failed to yield results after 2 long years, I held my psychiatrist accountable to these stats & failures:

“If this stuff works, why is it not working? 1 in 5 die by…”

She got annoyed and cut me off: “You really love those stats don’t you? You need to move on.”

“Move on? These numbers are the only stats I have. They’re your industry failures, no?”

“No. Those numbers go way down when in treatment & on meds.”

“Oh yeah, how far down exactly?”

“I don’t have stats off hand, but treatment helps.”

“Nothing is helping. I feel worse.”

“Happiness is a choice. You need a better attitude. You have to want to change.”

“Trust me, this is no choice. I want change most. I resent you saying that.”

“Have you tried X-med?”

“Yes. Twice. You don’t remember?”

“I have thousands of patients, no.”

“How do you define success in all this then?”

“People tell us they feel better. I can tell they improve. They’re happier.”

“If these methods worked, why are the stats so bad again?”

“You’re being difficult. I already told you treatment helps.”

“Yeah and I told you it’s not working.”

“You aren’t going to get better with that attitude.”

“Are you satisfied with these stats?”

She sighed “treatment and meds help. Let’s try a different med.”

This is my 11th medication. No.”

“Well if you aren’t willing to take a mood stabilizer, I can’t give you stimulants (for ADHD).”

“So you’re penalizing me for your treatment failure? That’s absurd.”

“I can’t treat ADHD if your mood isn’t stable, what about Z-med?”

“Insurance doesn’t cover that med. It costs thousands $$ per month. We did this already. Are you not paying attention? Your note taking is sloppy.”

“Ok we’re done here. I’m not going to be insulted. I think you should see someone else.”

I walked out and lost all my meds. It took 3 full months to switch providers. I never got to hold her accountable to failure or awful notes.

I left being accused of getting irate over not getting my stimulants refilled (drug seeking).

The breakdown had nothing to do with stimulants. If I was drug seeking, eliminating my only source would be absurd.

To this day the psychiatrist accepted no accountability for either treatment failure or sloppy notes/memory. Chalked me up to being difficult. Her failure expertly evaded.

Who was going to challenge her? She worked alone. Not even a receptionist to complain to.

This happens a lot. And it’s frustrating as f#ck

I don’t bother with med providers anymore. I have five more examples similar.

It’s as if failure is not allowed to be acknowledged. Doing so is having a “negative attitude”


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